Happy New Year to all the Mommies in the world!

I wish you a Happy New Year!
With joy and health!
With time together and true friends!
With happy and healthy families!
With love and peace of mind!
I wish you to reach all your goals in this wonderful year that is coming!
And may you be happy with what you have and what you get!

New Year's Resolutions

I know, making new year's resolutions is somewhat annoying and old, but I love making these resolutions (and, let's be honest, mostly breaking them sometime over the year).
I know it's disturbing every year when I look back on my notes and I see I've not even checked half of them. But every year, between Christmas and New Year's Eve, I feel the urge to make my list. The list of stuff I feel I want to/should do next year. Usually, on my list there's the habitual resolutions: the weight I want to lose the following year, the classes I want to take, the things I want to learn and the books I want to read.
But now, these seem not so important. Because next year, around the month of May, I will meet my daughter. When I think on my list, I can only imagine things related to her: carrying her in the best way possible, giving birth, having her healthy and keeping her happy, being able to meet her needs and so many others... I feel that this year my resolutions will be not about myself. And I think that, from now on, my resolutions will be mostly about my daughter. About her needs and expectations.
So this year, or at least half of it, I can still try to make resolutions about myself. Also, I can spoil myself with presents and I will make some of my wishes come true. I don't really know what's coming, but I have the feeling that all will change. For the best, I know that!
So, come changes, I am ready for you!

There is one resolution that weighs more than the rest of them. 

Merry Christmas!

I wish you all Merry Christmas and may all your wishes come true on this magical day!

Christmas films on TV

I have just seen a Christmas film on TV. The one where Sarah Jessica Parker goes to meet Dermot Mulroney's family. His mother is Diane Keaton and Sarah's sister is Claire Danes.
The thing is that I had seen this film many times before. Every year, around Christmas, they show on TV this type of films, and also this particular one. I understand why they show these films, being the season and all. But what I don't understand is the pull I feel to watch these films over and over again. If they weren't on TV, I wouldn't go and rent them out or buy the DVD just to watch it once a year. Also, I must confess, I don't think this is one of the best Christmas films. There are many others I would have preferred to watch today. But I didn't change the channel, I kept watching until the film was over.
And sometimes my eyes fill with tears, sometimes I laugh, although I know the story, I know the ending, but still... I let myself get involved in the film and I allow myself to be taken away by the story. I want this. I want to be part of these perfect and beautiful stories. They always finish joyfully and everybody is happy at the end. Everybody finds that "someone", they find balance and happiness. I want that. At least for these 2 hours, I want to believe. I want it to be jolly and merry and happy! And I can have it, can't I?
Plus that sometimes this good mood lasts longer than the film, sometimes it lasts all day long and follows me around, leaving a thin layer of fairy dust everywhere I go. But is this "Christmasy" mood truly influenced by the film? I can't make my mind for sure...
Anyway, I feel I must write here that one of my favorite Christmas films is "It's a Wonderful Life".
What is yours?

Is Christmas spirit enhanced by thematic TV films?

Pregnancy and Cooking TV shows

I don't normally think about food. Not even now, that I am pregnant.
But, whenever I happen to watch TV, I usually stop for a film somewhere. Still, when there is no interesting movie or if they have started half an hour ago, I go zapping through the channels looking for... Something. And sometimes this Something is a cooking show. What is it with cooking shows that arouse my interest like no other shows? I have never found appealing the "Big Brother" type of shows or "Find me a wife" or anything similar. And even less interesting I find a show concentrated on the local actual "celebrities" who are willing to show on TV all their issues and problems. But a cooking show!
First reaction is curiosity: "let's see what is it that they are trying now"
Next is suspicion: "is it OK to mix those ingredients? Hmm... It doesn't seem tasty nor appealing"
And eventually amazement: "Wow! It looks soooo good! Wow! The texture seems perfect! Wow! Look at them tasting and enjoying!"
Followed by the obvious: " I should try this"
And then the also obvious: " Wait, what were the ingredients?"
So I have only once managed to locate online the recipe for the tasty looking food I had just seen on TV. And it turned out perfect. It was American Pancakes, someone's recipe. But it was worth looking and locating. I followed that recipe two or three times and now, that I'm writing about it, I am thinking about making them again.
But! My main question remains: what is it with these cooking TV shows that makes them almost irresistible?

Tasty and fluffy! Yummy!

Pregnancy and a Job Offer

Although pregnant, I have received today a job offer.
It's for a small local producer. I wouldn't have thought of them as "small" until they started complaining about their profit. So they were happy with the turnover, but totally unhappy with their profit. I have a few suggestions about selling for the sake of selling, but not making important profit. Still, I was there for another position, not giving sales tips.
Anyway, as a consequence of their lamentations, they offered me a salary that offended me. Yes, I am supposed to work from home. Yes, I can arrange my time as I see fit as long as I get the job done with excellence. But does this mean I don't work? I couldn't sleep tonight because of these thoughts and I am a zombie now.
What is it with employers that makes them forget they are dealing with humans? They expect hard work and long hours, they expect flawless projects and a significant return on investment. But the investment is a quarter from the minimum wage! So the results should be measured the same way. Unfortunately for me, I am the hard working type. I don't do a lousy job. Never.
But who is to say that, after my trial period is finished and after I show them what type of employee I am, they will afford me? What if their lamentations about the profit were real, not just an excuse for the low salary they offered?
What should I do? Should I start this game called low-payed-job or should I just stay put and take better care of myself and my baby?

Pregnant woman plus work plus long hours equals MoneyMoneyMoney!!!

Pregnancy and reading

While posting my previous post, I realized I want to write a little about my reading habits.
I am usually reading a book and then interrupting it so that I could read another, but eventually I return to the first one to finish it, too.
I have this somehow chaotic routine with the books. Sometimes I am afraid that maybe I don't respect the book and the author enough and that is why I go reading another before finishing the one I have already started reading. I feel it's not fair. And still I keep doing it.
Anyway, my reading goes through (hopefully) all the possibilities, authors, styles and continents. I have read one Bulgakov, some Kafka, not enough Dostoievski, a lot of Gracia Marquez, a little Pamuk and many others since I have always loved reading! In school it was my secret power. I found it so rewarding that I preferred reading to many other activities.
Now I am reading Andrew Solomon - The Noonday Demon and Nicolae Steinhardt - The Happiness Diary. I started the first one and I found myself in it. It's about depression and dealing with it. I had never thought of myself as depressed, but I have some of the signs he describes in the book. On the other hand, I find The Happiness Diary inspiring since it's about finding balance and even happiness while spending time in prison (because of political reasons). So these two books are somehow connected and I feel that the Diary completes the Demon in a more spiritual way. So I paused reading the Demon so that I read the Diary :) You see? Now, as I describe it, I think it's not fair to read a second book while I haven't finished the first one... Hmm... Maybe I will change this! Read one book at a time!
Wait, I must confess that I have also read the Twilight series and the 50 shades books! These are my most shameful reads but I must confess to having read them!

My Pregnancy and my Husband's Xmas Party

My husband has this evening his company's Xmas party. What is it with this party that makes me feel uneasy?
Bottom line: What is it with company parties? What's their point?
Should I be glad that at least they don't have team buildings that last through the entire weekend? Why is it that companies feel the need to take their employees away from their families and put them together in a place with booze and loud music? I know, the employees should socialize!
Does anyone ever "socialize" at these parties? I think good colleagues remain good colleagues and people you don't normally speak to, remain just that: people you don't speak to.
Actually, these are just the pointless lamentations of a housewife spending the evening alone, worrying that her husband might get too drunk and maybe find one of his colleagues irresistible...
To tell the whole truth, I had for years company parties and even team buildings. But it was me. I know exactly what I want and that is him. Does he remember me? Does he still want me? Am I what he wants?
Sometimes I feel so strong and I think I know the answer to it all... But not this evening. This evening, I have my moment of weakness... My moment of surrender. Surrendering to disturbing thoughts that I don't normally indulge.
Yes! I should turn off the TV and go read something! I know what! 50 shades... :) That will work like a charm, changing my trail of thoughts. I will sleep like a baby in no time!
Why is it that facile romances help me fall asleep faster than anything? It must be the easy and effortless text. It must be why other books that I read never work like this, they make me wonder and capture my interest. I could stay up all night reading them... On the other hand, I couldn't stay up two hours reading 50 shades, which makes it perfect for this evening!

Pregnancy and Sudoku

I am crazy about Sudoku! One of my friends showed me what it was about a while ago and I found it challenging and interesting. So it became a part of my routine. Sometimes I solved one or a few per day and other times I solved a puzzle per week or per month. But it has ever since been present in my life.

As Wikipedia describes it, Sudoku "originally called Number Place, is a logic-based, combinatorial number-placement puzzle. The objective is to fill a 9×9 grid with digits so that each column, each row, and each of the nine 3×3 sub-grids that compose the grid (also called "boxes", "blocks", "regions", or "sub-squares") contains all of the digits from 1 to 9."
Some say it keeps your brain working and it helps you focus. In my case, it was true: it helped me a lot to concentrate easier and learn to "see" solutions even in my day-to-day job and life. So I can say Sudoku trained me into seeing solutions faster and evaluating opportunities. Plus it is a challenge and I love a good challenge!

But lately, since pregnant, I have started to find it harder to solve as fast and as difficult puzzles as I used to. I think it must be another "side effect" of pregnancy. Just as learning and attending classes became more challenging. Or concentrating. Or paying attention. I have noticed, as I wrote in one of my earlier posts, that as pregnancy evolves I find myself drawn to my bed in an inexplicable way.
So, to keep it simple and honest, I find it easier to sleep than do anything else. Forget eating, socializing, working out, reading, seeing films... I'd rather sleep. But I know that would be damaging to my mental state and so I keep myself afloat with all of the above. I start in the evening with the plan for the following day: visiting my parents, shopping, cooking, going to gym, working and anything that needs my attention the next day. Plus a lot of sleep and one Sudoku grid per day!

Hunting for the good mood

I love my country and my home town.
But this year, for the first time ever, we had more than 30 sunless days (and counting). Gloomy and moody weather that makes all of us feel strange and depressed.
These are some of my suggestions (based on my routine) for tricking the weather and making your days beautiful and sunny on the inside:

1. Take advantage of the season and start decorating your home.
Usually, we start decorating the house and the Christmas tree just a few days before the 25th. But not this year! I haven't used all the supplies, since that would be a little strange, but I used some colorful lights here and there, just changing the look of the room, making it more pleasurable and cozy.

2. Go out! Get out of the house in the rainy, moody weather! You will love being indoors when you return.
I go out a few times per day, once to visit my parents, then to do the shopping (I particularly love doing the groceries), I go to gym (but that is a different topic) and I usually take advantage of any reason to go outside.

3. Do things that you love: go to the movies, go to a nice Christmas Carols concert, go to a restaurant where you love the food and the mood etc.

4. Learn something new.
I find it extremely uplifting when I have learned something new. From cooking a new kind of soup or desert to learning new phrases in English or knowing more about my pregnancy, learning keeps me happy, motivated and smiling.

5. Invite people over.
That can be tricky, I know. But the thing is you should only invite people close to your heart, since this depressing weather may turn out to be not so bad when compared to annoying company.

6. Go to gym!
I saved the best for last. Gym is the best thing for lifting spirits and putting a smile on your face. I don't do difficult things nor do I try to break records while pregnant, but going to gym is the best way to trick the weather or even the thoughts in my head. I know, there are thousands articles online about going to gym as antidepressant, so I won't go on bubbling about this. But please, bear this in mind: even if you look out the window and then think it's better to stay on the couch with the nutella jar and see a nice film, even when you are not 100% in the mood for gym, go! Go to gym and see for yourself the blessing. Go to yoga, go swimming, running, cycling or working on your core muscles. Do whatever you like the most, but go and do it! Don't stay in, don't fear the weather or the moodiness of others. Life is better and the weather gets sunnier after a work out. Of course, it's all in your head and muscles. But that is all the matters, isn't it?

Now, that I think about it, there must be at least a dozen other suggestions for tricking the weather and changing the mood. Please feel free to share your own.

Have a beautiful sunny day!

Pregnancy and travelling

It's been a long time since I was a passenger. I am usually the driver. About two weeks ago I had to reconsider my ability to travel. First of all, my car broke down before arriving to my destination. So I was a passenger in someone else's car. In the back seat. It was horrible, although then driver was really good, I have never been so sick! I don't normally have this kind of problem. Could it be the pregnancy?
Next day I had to repeat the experience, but I asked for the front seat and it turned out to be much more acceptable.
Apparently there is also a problem while travelling by train, but only if the seat is positioned with the back to the direction of movement.
Am I truly turning into this moody and difficult person? The people around me seem happy to accept and accommodate my every whim, but it is too difficult for me to understand this new woman I turn into.

Pregnancy and classes

This week I am studying. From Sunday until Monday, I am taking a class.
I registered in August, before knowing I will be pregnant by now. I don't think knowing would have changed my choice of taking the class. The only thing that surprised me is that the class is around 150 km away from home (approximately 2 hours by train), in a beautiful mountain resort. I'm not happy to be away from my family, but it is a welcome pause from my daily routine. I miss going to gym the most (my husband would loooove to hear this).
What I discovered about my new pregnant self is that I find it very tiring to be here and to pay attention to class 8 hours per day, every day, including Saturday and Sunday! Am I getting too old for learning in an academic environment? Or is it the pregnancy that gets in the way? I hope it's the latter! And I hope I will go back to being my normal, attentive and active self soon after the birth of my baby.

Pregnancy and music

In these happy times, I feel the urge to listen to classical music. But not exclusively! I also love to listen to my favorites, the "normal" music. The music that, together with the books I've read and the movies I've seen made a big part of the person I am today. I still listen happily to Bon Jovi, Take That, Oasis, Metallica and many many others. I also like some of the new young bands, such as The 1975 or Bastille. But what I have learned in the last few years is the joy of "discovering" new bands or songs (new to me,obvious). Such as Arctic Monkeys. Such as Chvrches. And many many others that bring me joy with their creations.

How wonderful is it to bring happiness and joy to people who will most likely never meet you? How amazing is it that an artist from England, USA or any other country in the world has reached me, a housewife and mom-to-be from East Europe?

I have an absolute respect for singers. I am totally unable to carry a tune, my husband always makes fun of me saying that he's going to be the one who sings to the baby. According to him I will be the one reading stories and doing other things, but I must never sing because that would most likely make the child cry instead of helping her fall asleep faster.

Pregnant guest

Ever since I am pregnant, everybody goes to a lot of trouble just to offer me "goodies" when I visit. I suppose it's the way people are happy to please a pregnant woman. Since we (pregnant ladies in general and yours truly in particular) are known to be moody and to have big appetites, the host is always pleased to stuff me as if I am a turkey. But I don't appreciate these "goodies" most of the time.
I just want to settle one thing: in my country the meaning of "goodies". It refers mostly to sweets. Sugary sweets sometimes baked, but other times boiled in hot oil. So this concept is about sugar, flour and oil. I think this is one of the worst food mix possible. I refuse mostly, but from time to time, in order to protect their feelings, I must accept... And I eat this kind of "goodies". Should I just say "No, thank you"? I think so, but I don't want to offend every woman who asks me to visit.
I will think about maybe finding a better way to say "no". A smarter way!

Pregnancy, unemployment and money

Believe it or not, I have always been the professional. The one earning her own money, never waiting for someone to "take care" of me. One of my friends (housewife and mother of two beautiful and healthy boys) used to tell me: 

"This job won't bring you the joys a baby would. It only brings you the monthly pay."

Yes, it was true. I understood it best when the company's management decided to downsize and let me go. What ugly and meaningless words: let me go. I had successful projects and good numbers in negotiations. Yes, I took pride in doing my job. And what? Did any of these matter at the end of the day? I can't say they did. Actually these only got me fired faster.

So now, almost half a year later, here I am: jobless and pregnant. Depending 100% on my husband. 

I find this incredibly difficult. I'm not used to explaining my expenses. I don't spend too much nor do I spend recklessly. But still I hate when I have to explain. It breaks my heart and my spirit. 

So this is what I plan on doing: I have some projects and I earn some money, I also have some money saved. But I'd rather keep it for "after the birth".And "until the birth" I will work harder and take on more projects. This is my November 19th's Resolution! Why should we only have New Year's Resolutions?! I will go with this November 19th! It sounds good and looks good. And you know why? Well, it's because this baby is truly the most important project in my life so far. No work project or employer will ever be more important than this. Plus, a mother is unique, all the other numbers in our lives are flexible, except this. So my responsibility is huge, but so is the payback. I can't wait to meet my baby! I have until May and then I will see her, hold her, feed her, play with her and all the bad will go away. There is only room for good in my life, so I am working on getting things done and having it all ready in May 2015.

Dry skin and pregnancy

Everybody warns me about the toll pregnancy will take on my skin. I don't really worry about this. My skin has always been horribly dry and full of stretch marks. So please don't worry about my skin! Ever since elementary school, I've always had stretch marks. Everywhere. Because I grew too fast and my skin was not elastic nor flexible enough to accommodate my new dimensions. During the summer holidays I became the tallest, biggest and "breastyest" girl in my class. So other than my stretch marks, I also got a bad case of shyness. Which caused my back to curve a little, making me first of all smaller (I felt smaller, so it must have worked) and it helped hide my two new signs of womanhood.
Luckily, my mother saved me then from a life of low self-esteem. This resulted also in my back going from curved to straight. The only things that stuck ever since that summer are my stretch marks. They are part of who I am. So I am not afraid that the pregnancy will ruin my beautiful skin. I have my morning and evening routine when I cover my body in coconut oil, sweet almond oil or extra-virgin olive oil. My skin being extra-dry, the oil goes in fast and I am ready to get dressed in a few minutes.
There is this thing about being pregnant in winter. My friends who were pregnant during summer said it is better in winter. That's because I won't sweat embarrassingly. But I have to worry about catching a cold or stumbling and falling on ice or snow.
So no matter the time of the year, there are always good parts and bad parts. Just as everything in life.

How to be mother?

I started this blog a little while ago, shortly after finding out I am pregnant. It is a time of big and unexpected changes for me and I feel the need to share this experience. I don't know if it's the usual reaction, but this is my feeling and I go with it, writing here. I am also reading a lot about all that pregnancy means, but I feel this inexplicable need to document this time of my life.
Is it strange? I don't really care. I go with my feeling and I will do my best to explain everything and maybe to be of help to someone who is going through this and needs something and someone to relate to.
For instance, I started to face a problem I didn't have before: my gums are bleeding when brushing my teeth. It is not painful, but disturbing since the bleeding doesn't stop fast, but it eventually stops by itself. The first time it happened I was a little scared, so I looked it up on internet :) They say that 50-100% of the pregnant women have this gum problem. None of my friends nor my mother faced this. So, again, I am alone with the internet and my doctor. Apparently, I am among the lucky ones. For some it brings complications that require special medical attention. For me, until now, there is nothing dramatic. As advised, I will go on brushing my teeth twice a day, I use dental floss as usual, ignoring the bleeding. Keeping my teeth clean is the most important.

Me, myself and Eliza Graves

The first thing I feel like saying about this film is: this is more my kind of film than Interstellar. No mankind coming to an end, no far-fetched theories about deep space travelling, no family drama. In short, life as I know it would not have ended whatever the outcome of the events going on at Stonehearst Asylum.
I will not spoil the film for you. I liked it and I hope everybody will see it just as I have seen it, with curiosity and interest, looking forward to what's next.
It reminded me of another film with the story set in an asylum, both movies having Ben Kingsley playing a psychiatrist. I'm talking about Shutter Island. Yet, I must admit, I liked Shutter Island more. Shutter Island made me want to rent the DVD and go home and watch it again that same evening. I found it unbelievable. Of course, Martin Scorsese.
Bottom line, I believe Stonehearst Asylum to be a little too revealing, but still exciting and full of strange and interesting details. While it has not much to do with the original Edgar Allan Poe story, this film does show in all its horror and inhumanity the way patients diagnosed with mental illness were treated in the past.
It is a creepy and even scary (to a certain extent) film, with interesting developments, suspense and... a love story!

Cooking and pregnancy

I was never much of a housewife, I used to cook only the food that I loved and never compromise on this. My husband is a very good cook. Not very patient nor organized, but a very good cook. So he has always cooked for us both, while I only did it once or twice a week. My specialty were sweets.
Since I became a vegetarian, I started cooking more often. And now, that I am pregnant, I am cooking more than ever. Sometimes the smell chases me away from the kitchen, but I return in a few minutes, with fresh appetite and trying to ignore the disturbing smell.
I cook vegetables mostly, fish sometimes and never meat. And I always listen to my new favourite music while cooking.
Today I made prawns in butter with garlic. I know that, during my pregnancy, I can't have seafood often, but I only had them three times in these three months. So I think it is reasonable. In terms of music, today Vivaldi was my best friend.
Tomorrow I plan on cooking. Actually, on Friday I have guests so I should make something nice. I haven't decided yet what to cook, but definitely NO SWEETS. My doctor told me to take it easy with white bread and sugar. So if I feel like making something sweet, I will try some new raw vegan cake. I have discovered raw vegan sweets last year and I have to say I think they are genius! So sweet, so good and so healthy!
I will decide what to prepare and let you know in time since you are on the guest list, of course! :)

Interstellar evening

My husband took me yesterday to Interstellar, the new film with Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathaway. First, I want to state that I don't particularly like McConaughey. I like some of his films such as Two for the Money or Frailty, but what went wrong when he made The Wedding Planner or Failure to Launch? The only explanation I found for rather good actors making bad films: he had to pay his long overdue rent and, when offered a bad script he said to himself: "This film is horribly bad, but I'll do it for the money" (I won't bring up the much praised Dallas Buyers Club).
So let's go back to Interstellar. I liked it. It made me laugh, it made me cry and stirred a little my new found feeling of motherhood. Wouldn't it be great to be able to set the percentage of honesty and sense of humor for the ones around us? So if and when you have the chance, I think it is worth seeing. It's not in my top10, but it's not bad at all. It must be the Christopher Nolan blessing.
PS: I would have preferred seeing Eliza Graves (or Stonehearst Asylum) because I love both Jim Sturgess and Kate Beckinsale. Plus who doesn't love an Edgar Allan Poe story? I plan on seeing it next week.

Pregnancy and daily routine

I had company yesterday. Three friends came by. I offered them tomato soup and cauliflower soufle. The soup is too easy to make, but the soufle... Also easy to make, only that it was the first time I cooked it. So I was a little afraid of the outcome. But it turned out to be PERFECT! Yes, if I may say so myself, I did a great job with the soufle :)
So is this what mommy life will be for me? At least the few years of my new baby's life? Is it all going to be cooking and cleaning and attending to the baby's needs? Visits from my mommy friends? Or future mommies? But what about vacations? What about concerts and theaters and weekend get-aways? Will the baby take all my time? Will I refuse to do anything without her? This is what my wiser friends tell me: once you see that you have created life, you won't need any other entertainment. I really wonder sometimes. But most of the time I just look forward to meeting my baby. I pray for her health and ours. I feel, at this moment, health is the only important thing.
So, come what may, I look forward to all of it!

Pregnancy and pets

This is a very subjective and delicate issue. Every mother (or mother-to-be) has her personal point of view on this. If you have a dog, you are sure that the worst thing would be having a cat. If you have a cat, you can swear that a dog is the worst pet possible.
Well, I have a guinea pig called Caesar. He is a blonde Sheltie, always hungry and extremely talkative. I have asked my doctor about him and she told me that I should be careful in terms of cleaning the cage and being too close to him. But otherwise, having him around the house is not forbidden nor is it dangerous to the baby.
So, I don't know about other pets, but I am sure that having the cute blonde Caesar in my life is making my days more beautiful and a lot happier.
Plus that having him around, means that I always have in my fridge fresh salad and greens which come in extermely handy with my pregnancy diet.

Vitamins and nuts

Thanks to perfect blood tests, I was not required to take vitamins while pregnant. Except for the folic acid. So I eat as many fruits and vegetables as possible, once a week I eat fish and every other day I have yogurt with oat flakes and dried fruits. Also, I like eggs, so I have eggs a few times per week. And nuts every day. Must be why sometimes I feel nutty :)
I have a friend who only ate sweets all 9 months. She gained only 7 kilos (my doctor told me it is reasonable for me to gain 12 kilos) but even if the mommy was a little under-weight, her daughter was almost 3 kilos, healthy and beautiful. So my plan is to eat whatever I like, not to allow old ladies in my family try to force meat or anything on me. I will eat what I want, as long as I feel good and my baby develops normally.
About my going to gym, I also had very interesting advice from "experienced" moms. Apparently, going to gym is bad for me. For me? But my doctor and my trainer said I can go on as I plan, with moderate exercise, not overdoing it, but keeping it nice and relaxing. I was exercising prior to pregnancy, why should I stop now?
So, I will only follow the signs my body gives me: if I feel tired, I slow down or stop. I won't try to break any pre-pregnancy records. I will not overwork my joints, I have heard that I will become more flexible, but I don't plan on acquiring a handsome injury while pregnant.
I am monitoring my blood pressure and my blood sugar two times per week and everything is perfect!
Apparently moms who work out during pregnancy have shorter labors. Plus that it keeps me in a good shape both physically and psychologically! So, as long as sports keep me happy and healthy, I can only see a win-win for both my baby and myself.
So I need to filter the advice I get since apparently the only good advice will come from my doctor.

Blood tests and classical music

My doctor told me that, being older than 30, there are some "special" blood tests I have to make in order to make sure I have a healthy baby. I started worrying. I know that my worrying is definitely not good for my baby, but I can't help it 100%. Mostly, I am happy and relaxed, but there are a few moments when I see someone while taking a walk or when I find a character in a story... I know that I can only pray and hope for the best. But sometimes I have these moments of panic. They pass really fast and happy thoughts of my baby and the joy she will bring me are washing over me and taking away all the stress.
We are working on deciding how to arrange the baby's room. Of course, we have different opinions. But at least we have peaceful conversations, we draw plans and all negotiations are on loving terms. We used to be on fire, both of us. No argument went without each of us trying to force his/her opinion on the other. Maybe this is part of the "magic" this baby brings to our family.
Lately, I have noticed that classical music is soothing and I find it not only easy to fall asleep to (Hihihi!) but also nice to listen to while driving or cleaning. Classical music is blissful! But not all classical music, some of Brahms wakes me up no matter if I am sleeping at the time or not. So "relaxing/soothing" depends on the mommy's taste or mood.

The happiest times

I know that my first two posts show I am a little angry and frustrated while dealing with my pregnancy. But I need to set things right:
1. True, I am angry and frustrated. My life has changed completely, I am afraid of what is coming including the birth itself and managing the relationship with my husband. I am afraid of so many things.
2. I am also aware of this happy time. Don't think I can't see it. This is the best time. Now my baby is with me all the time, I can protect and care for it in ways only a mother can understand. Both myself and her are healthy (I feel it's a girl so from time to time I will refer to it as "her" because this is the first pronoun that comes to mind when I think of my baby). After giving birth I know everything will be more stressful. So now I am also enjoying this moment. The moment when nothing bad has happened, the moment when people smile at me with no reason (some people even say that I glow, but I find it extremely hard to believe that), the moment when I can allow myself to eat some delicious sweets that I normally refrain from (that moment is not here yet, but I heard it's coming immediately after the morning sickness goes away). So yes, I am also enjoying myself and my pregnancy. This is happiness. But it comes with some hormonal changes that sometimes make me see only the empty half of the glass. And I am training myself to ignore these times and to focus on the full half. I am working on it.
So if you went through it and if you understand this roller coaster that is the emotional part of pregnancy, I hope you can relate.
I wish you all the best and for all the mommies out there: good luck and be confident, we can do this!

I'm too sleepy!

I have heard about this "side effect" of pregnancy, but no matter if I expected it or not, I must admit... It amazed me. Yesterday I slept all day long! It has never happened to me before. Never in my life. I woke up in the morning, as usual. My husband left for work, as usual. I got out of bed, went to the kitchen to take my daily vitamin AS USUAL and... unlike ever before, I took my phone and returned to bed. So I spent all day in bed, phone ringing from time to time, mostly ignoring it.
I haven't eaten anything all day until the evening, when my husband returned and we had dinner.
Sleeping all day and eating nothing. It is so very different from my normal daily routine, that it made me think: "Is this ok? Am I doing something wrong? Should I just get out of bed, no matter how challenging, and do something, anything?".
To make this fair, I must admit that I don't eat meat and most days I can't eat dairy products because they seem to trigger my "morning" sickness. But I try to eat daily at least a few vegetables and fruits. So even if I can't eat other food, I try to have daily a carrot, some salad leaves, a tomato or a bell pepper or a cucumber, an apple, a banana, grapes or pears, grapefruits, lemons or oranges, sometimes avocado. I love fruits and vegetables. I have them as salad or just eat one at a time, but the most important is that I eat them.
About the "morning" sickness: I am intrigued by the fact that, at least in my case, it lasts all day long. So it has never been only in the morning. I suggest that it should have it's name changed to "all day" sickness.
But this is only my point of view. I look forward to hearing your opinion, hopefully based on your experience.

Congratulations, you are pregnant!

Yes, this is how all motherhood stories must start.
What better way to receive the best news of your life? You are on your back in the gynecologist's office, with your belly covered in sticky cold goo.
She's pointing at a round darker area on the monitor: "That is your baby."
Why don't I feel something special? I only feel eagerness and fear. Apparently being a mother is about adapting so fast to changes you never imagined. As not being able to smoke or to drink alcohol. Not even coffee. I can't stand the smell of fresh made coffee. I used to love that! Better than my smiling husband saying good morning, baby. Better than anything... My morning coffee... Is gone now. Together with my breakfast and the food I liked to eat. These days I eat fruit and vegetables mostly, driving everybody around me insane with my losing weight. But only the thought of food makes my insides tremble and the blood drain from my face. In these few weeks everything has changed for me.
I used to be a professional. I spent most of my adult life working hard and trying to earn more than the average. I had my job, my bank loan and my lifestyle. None of that seems important any more. It's something I had before this life, before my real life.
I lost my job. For the first time in my life, I was let go. But the irony is that this job was the one I worked hardest for. I was living alone, far from my family and friends, all I had was my job. And I performed. I was happy with the outcome of every project, I had never been so proud of my achievements. And then... The manager's girlfriend didn't like me. It hit me like a bullet. Why does that even matter? I am doing my job perfectly, I am a good and reliable employee and colleague, I work from 7 in the morning until 8 or 9 in the evening. But a company where the girlfriend's opinion is more important than professional achievements is not good enough for me. So I left. With my head held high, knowing I did nothing wrong, knowing most of my colleagues love and respect me. And I returned home. To my husband, parents and friends, in my hometown. I had a few months of "vacation". I really needed it. And now? Now I have the biggest and most important project of my life: a baby.
Sometimes I feel so alone. Nobody to relate to. I feel weird with my food problems and my shifting emotions. And I think this is only the beginning.