I know that my first two posts show I am a little angry and frustrated while dealing with my pregnancy. But I need to set things right:
1. True, I am angry and frustrated. My life has changed completely, I am afraid of what is coming including the birth itself and managing the relationship with my husband. I am afraid of so many things.
2. I am also aware of this happy time. Don't think I can't see it. This is the best time. Now my baby is with me all the time, I can protect and care for it in ways only a mother can understand. Both myself and her are healthy (I feel it's a girl so from time to time I will refer to it as "her" because this is the first pronoun that comes to mind when I think of my baby). After giving birth I know everything will be more stressful. So now I am also enjoying this moment. The moment when nothing bad has happened, the moment when people smile at me with no reason (some people even say that I glow, but I find it extremely hard to believe that), the moment when I can allow myself to eat some delicious sweets that I normally refrain from (that moment is not here yet, but I heard it's coming immediately after the morning sickness goes away). So yes, I am also enjoying myself and my pregnancy. This is happiness. But it comes with some hormonal changes that sometimes make me see only the empty half of the glass. And I am training myself to ignore these times and to focus on the full half. I am working on it.
So if you went through it and if you understand this roller coaster that is the emotional part of pregnancy, I hope you can relate.
I wish you all the best and for all the mommies out there: good luck and be confident, we can do this!
Thursday, October 30, 2014
I'm too sleepy!
I have heard about this "side effect" of pregnancy, but no matter if I expected it or not, I must admit... It amazed me. Yesterday I slept all day long! It has never happened to me before. Never in my life. I woke up in the morning, as usual. My husband left for work, as usual. I got out of bed, went to the kitchen to take my daily vitamin AS USUAL and... unlike ever before, I took my phone and returned to bed. So I spent all day in bed, phone ringing from time to time, mostly ignoring it.
I haven't eaten anything all day until the evening, when my husband returned and we had dinner.
Sleeping all day and eating nothing. It is so very different from my normal daily routine, that it made me think: "Is this ok? Am I doing something wrong? Should I just get out of bed, no matter how challenging, and do something, anything?".
To make this fair, I must admit that I don't eat meat and most days I can't eat dairy products because they seem to trigger my "morning" sickness. But I try to eat daily at least a few vegetables and fruits. So even if I can't eat other food, I try to have daily a carrot, some salad leaves, a tomato or a bell pepper or a cucumber, an apple, a banana, grapes or pears, grapefruits, lemons or oranges, sometimes avocado. I love fruits and vegetables. I have them as salad or just eat one at a time, but the most important is that I eat them.
About the "morning" sickness: I am intrigued by the fact that, at least in my case, it lasts all day long. So it has never been only in the morning. I suggest that it should have it's name changed to "all day" sickness.
But this is only my point of view. I look forward to hearing your opinion, hopefully based on your experience.
I haven't eaten anything all day until the evening, when my husband returned and we had dinner.
Sleeping all day and eating nothing. It is so very different from my normal daily routine, that it made me think: "Is this ok? Am I doing something wrong? Should I just get out of bed, no matter how challenging, and do something, anything?".
To make this fair, I must admit that I don't eat meat and most days I can't eat dairy products because they seem to trigger my "morning" sickness. But I try to eat daily at least a few vegetables and fruits. So even if I can't eat other food, I try to have daily a carrot, some salad leaves, a tomato or a bell pepper or a cucumber, an apple, a banana, grapes or pears, grapefruits, lemons or oranges, sometimes avocado. I love fruits and vegetables. I have them as salad or just eat one at a time, but the most important is that I eat them.
About the "morning" sickness: I am intrigued by the fact that, at least in my case, it lasts all day long. So it has never been only in the morning. I suggest that it should have it's name changed to "all day" sickness.
But this is only my point of view. I look forward to hearing your opinion, hopefully based on your experience.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Congratulations, you are pregnant!
Yes, this is how all motherhood stories must start.
What better way to receive the best news of your life? You are on your back in the gynecologist's office, with your belly covered in sticky cold goo.
She's pointing at a round darker area on the monitor: "That is your baby."
Why don't I feel something special? I only feel eagerness and fear. Apparently being a mother is about adapting so fast to changes you never imagined. As not being able to smoke or to drink alcohol. Not even coffee. I can't stand the smell of fresh made coffee. I used to love that! Better than my smiling husband saying good morning, baby. Better than anything... My morning coffee... Is gone now. Together with my breakfast and the food I liked to eat. These days I eat fruit and vegetables mostly, driving everybody around me insane with my losing weight. But only the thought of food makes my insides tremble and the blood drain from my face. In these few weeks everything has changed for me.
I used to be a professional. I spent most of my adult life working hard and trying to earn more than the average. I had my job, my bank loan and my lifestyle. None of that seems important any more. It's something I had before this life, before my real life.
I lost my job. For the first time in my life, I was let go. But the irony is that this job was the one I worked hardest for. I was living alone, far from my family and friends, all I had was my job. And I performed. I was happy with the outcome of every project, I had never been so proud of my achievements. And then... The manager's girlfriend didn't like me. It hit me like a bullet. Why does that even matter? I am doing my job perfectly, I am a good and reliable employee and colleague, I work from 7 in the morning until 8 or 9 in the evening. But a company where the girlfriend's opinion is more important than professional achievements is not good enough for me. So I left. With my head held high, knowing I did nothing wrong, knowing most of my colleagues love and respect me. And I returned home. To my husband, parents and friends, in my hometown. I had a few months of "vacation". I really needed it. And now? Now I have the biggest and most important project of my life: a baby.
Sometimes I feel so alone. Nobody to relate to. I feel weird with my food problems and my shifting emotions. And I think this is only the beginning.
What better way to receive the best news of your life? You are on your back in the gynecologist's office, with your belly covered in sticky cold goo.
She's pointing at a round darker area on the monitor: "That is your baby."
Why don't I feel something special? I only feel eagerness and fear. Apparently being a mother is about adapting so fast to changes you never imagined. As not being able to smoke or to drink alcohol. Not even coffee. I can't stand the smell of fresh made coffee. I used to love that! Better than my smiling husband saying good morning, baby. Better than anything... My morning coffee... Is gone now. Together with my breakfast and the food I liked to eat. These days I eat fruit and vegetables mostly, driving everybody around me insane with my losing weight. But only the thought of food makes my insides tremble and the blood drain from my face. In these few weeks everything has changed for me.
I used to be a professional. I spent most of my adult life working hard and trying to earn more than the average. I had my job, my bank loan and my lifestyle. None of that seems important any more. It's something I had before this life, before my real life.
I lost my job. For the first time in my life, I was let go. But the irony is that this job was the one I worked hardest for. I was living alone, far from my family and friends, all I had was my job. And I performed. I was happy with the outcome of every project, I had never been so proud of my achievements. And then... The manager's girlfriend didn't like me. It hit me like a bullet. Why does that even matter? I am doing my job perfectly, I am a good and reliable employee and colleague, I work from 7 in the morning until 8 or 9 in the evening. But a company where the girlfriend's opinion is more important than professional achievements is not good enough for me. So I left. With my head held high, knowing I did nothing wrong, knowing most of my colleagues love and respect me. And I returned home. To my husband, parents and friends, in my hometown. I had a few months of "vacation". I really needed it. And now? Now I have the biggest and most important project of my life: a baby.
Sometimes I feel so alone. Nobody to relate to. I feel weird with my food problems and my shifting emotions. And I think this is only the beginning.
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